Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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