One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
