If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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