HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
