pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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