He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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