I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
