I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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