Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
