I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
