I was born with a shot glass in my hand
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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