Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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