Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize