so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
