I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
