fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I did not marry a roomba.
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