You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
