I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
