Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
