You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
