More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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