she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
