1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
