So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize