even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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