I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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