He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
