So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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