I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
