the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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