Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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