if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
