We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
