So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
