Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
