Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
