They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
