that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
