just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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