i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
