Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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