Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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