Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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