We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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