Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
