fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
