My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
