does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize