Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
