Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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