TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
