Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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