Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
