thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize