it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
