if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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