I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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