sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
