tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
