Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
