holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize