Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
