I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this boner is exhausting
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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