No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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