Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
