That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
