peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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