Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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