You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
