the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
