how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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