i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
